chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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