Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
