I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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