is wine microwaveable?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
