Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
