i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
