If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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