Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
