Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
