We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
