You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
