there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
