My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
