Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
