I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
