I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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