butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
