do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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