i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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