I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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