she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
