She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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