Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
