Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
