So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
