idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
