i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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