I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My room smells like vodka and shame
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
