all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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