your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
