she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize