We're facebook friends in real life
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You may now shotgun with the bride
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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