yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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