Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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