Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
