My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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