I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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