it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
