Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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