I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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