I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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