YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
