and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
