I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
