We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
