I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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