we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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