I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
