I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
