Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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